Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
