Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All the doctor said was why
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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