Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
