I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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