I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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