I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
