party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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