Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
