You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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