he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
