it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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