Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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