When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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