he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
