Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
