so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
