Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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