my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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