And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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