So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
