Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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