Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
