Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
