I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
