Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
