i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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