i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
