Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
