I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
