This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
