I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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