when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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