with your own penis?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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