My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
