Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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