Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
