my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
