Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
