She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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