Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
