Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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