There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
