Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
