Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
