im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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