alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
