THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
