do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
