saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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