I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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