If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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