If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
