forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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